Once upon a time…

… your external modem used to go ‘hmmmmmmmmmmmm, bleep, bleep, icketty-click, jer-jer-jer-jer-jer-jer-jer, hee-haw, hee-haw, jer, jer, hmph…., ding!’

It might take 38 tries before Compuserve got you connected, but from thereonin, the internet was fast, available, fun and fast..

Talk Talk broadband, it saddens me to report, is slower than someone’s much-beloved grandma at an Asda checkout, in front of you. twiddling with those plastic bags, wetting fingers to accomplish task, fumbling for change – that is, once it becomes apparent that, in the absence of card and PIN no., money comes from purse, purse comes from handbag and hang on a minute my darling; as I rootle about, let’s talk about summer holidays and hairdos…

I reckon the joy of computing – home programming, etc. more-or-less ended with the arrival of Bill Gates’ Windows monopoly.

And the sickest thing is, that this pretty decent Dell machine contracted to Talk Talk to keep me state-of-the-art webwise, takes longer than my old Amstrad used to in the eighties, loading op system from floppies.

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